I speak twelve languages. English is the bestest.

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson'.

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.