Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money!)

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills . . . Making the last car payment.

No matter how hard you try, you can't teach physics to a dog.