Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.